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Forgiveness – Part 1
Introduction:
People possess a sense of right and wrong. When one’s idea of right
is violated by someone, that person becomes angry and resentful.
The two people cannot live as though the wrong had not been
committed. The relationship is broken to some degree. But the
desire for reconciliation is great. A sincere, heart-felt apology
is needed. Without it, things only get worse. When the one
offended truly forgives, the door is opened for a renewed
relationship.
But what is involved in a sincere, heart-felt apology? In his
book The Five Languages of Apology, Gary Chapman
discusses five elements of importance in offering an apology.
(Let’s use them as a springboard into the Bible.)
Body:
I. Expressing
Regret
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Usually it is
expressed in the form of “I’m sorry.” This expresses your sense
of guilt and shame at what you did. Regret focuses on what you
did or failed to do and how it affected the other person. This
acknowledges your understanding of the pain you caused them.
-
The person you have
offended must know you are sincere in your apology. Often body
language is an indicator. Example: Yelling when you are
apologizing is probably not very sincere!
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Be specific in your
apology. State what you did wrong. This shows we know how much
we hurt them and how our actions affected them. They were
angry, disappointed, betrayed, . . .
-
Sincere regret is
never followed by “but.” Anytime an apology is followed by an
excuse, the excuse cancels out the apology.
-
Biblical example:
Jacob and Esau A beautiful act is recorded in
Genesis
33:1-11.
II. Accepting
Responsibility
-
Many are reluctant
to accept wrong doing. They perceive it as a weakness. They
try to justify themselves or rationalize their bad behavior.
-
Often some will
say, “It’s not my fault.” They will blame others for their own
actions. “He made me do it.” Learning to say, “I was wrong” is
part of being a mature adult.
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Some mistakenly
believe that admitting you made a mistake is like admitting
you’re a failure, a bad parent, a bad spouse, . . .
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The need to accept
responsibility for your actions and admit you were wrong cannot
be overemphasized. Tell the one you’ve wronged that you made a
mistake and that it was your fault. They need to hear it.
-
Biblical examples:
Aaron (Numbers
12:1-2, 9-11)
Shimei (II
Samuel 19:18-20)
David (Psalms
51:1-3)
III. Making
Restitution
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The idea of “making
things right” is embedded in our human nature. We have the
sense of justice. In the United States justice system,
criminals are to try and repay their victims in various ways.
-
“Restitution” is
giving of something as an equivalent for what has been lost,
damaged. . . ; the making amends for what you have done. The
loss may be something physical (possessions, property, . .
.) or things like self-esteem or reputation.
-
In relationships
like families, the one that was hurt may need reassurance that
they are still loved by the one who hurt them. One may ask,
“How could they love me and do that?” Restitution for them
means “What can I do to show you that I still care about you?”
-
Tell the other
person how much you truly care for them. Use words that
show affection and appreciation.
-
Do acts of
kindness for them in simple, thoughtful acts of service.
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Spend quality
time with them by giving undivided attention.
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Biblical example of
making amends and restitution: Zacchaeus (Luke
19:1-10)
Bobby Stafford
July 8, 2012
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