Forgiveness (Part 1)

Forgiveness is one of the most vital subjects in all of Scripture—but often, the process of asking for forgiveness is overlooked. Many people assume it’s obvious or automatic. But a sincere, biblical apology is far more than just uttering “I’m sorry.” Without genuine, heartfelt repentance, relationships remain broken, pain lingers, and reconciliation becomes impossible. Whether in marriages, families, friendships, or among brethren in the church, asking for forgiveness in the right way is essential to healing and peace.

The Need for Reconciliation

Every human has a built-in sense of right and wrong. When someone violates that sense—whether by betrayal, offense, or neglect—it causes emotional pain. The relationship becomes strained or even severed. Simply “moving on” without addressing the wrong never works. What’s needed is genuine reconciliation, and the door to that reconciliation is opened only by a sincere apology. Without it, resentment grows. But when one sincerely apologizes—and the offended party truly forgives—a broken relationship can not only be restored but sometimes made even stronger than before.

What Is a Sincere Apology?

A true apology must come from the heart. Gary Chapman’s The Five Languages of Apology outlines helpful steps, and these can be used as a springboard to study what the Bible says about sincere apologies. In this first part of the lesson, we focus on three essential components of a biblical apology: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, and making restitution.

1. Expressing Regret

The words “I’m sorry” are foundational—but it’s amazing how often they are not said. True regret expresses your sense of guilt and shame for what you’ve done or failed to do. It recognizes how your actions have affected another person. When someone hears “I’m sorry,” they need to know exactly what you’re sorry for. It must be specific and heartfelt.

Importantly, the sincerity of an apology is shown not just in words but in tone, demeanor, and body language. A sarcastic “I’m sorry” or one accompanied by eye rolls or yelling cancels itself out. That’s why apologies must be made face-to-face when possible. A sincere apology never includes the word but—as in “I’m sorry, but…” The moment we try to justify ourselves, the apology is void.

We see a beautiful example in Genesis 33, when Jacob meets Esau after years of tension. Jacob bows repeatedly, calls himself Esau’s servant, and offers gifts as a sign of repentance. His humility and clear remorse open the way for Esau’s forgiveness, resulting in a tender reunion.

2. Accepting Responsibility

A sincere apology doesn’t stop with expressing regret—it must include taking ownership. Many resist this because they see it as weakness. Instead, they shift blame to others, culture, upbringing, or circumstances. But sin is personal. If you knowingly did wrong, it is your fault.

Accepting responsibility means you say, “I was wrong. It was my fault. I know it hurt you.” This shows maturity and humility. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, spouse, or friend to admit fault. On the contrary, confession demonstrates strength of character.

Aaron gives us a biblical example in Numbers 12. After sinning by speaking against Moses, he immediately says to Moses, “Please do not lay this sin on us… we have sinned.” He doesn’t deflect or excuse. David likewise takes full responsibility for his sin in Psalm 51: “I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.”

Another example is Shemei in 2 Samuel 19, who humbles himself before King David and says plainly, “I have sinned.” These examples teach us that full, specific admission of wrongdoing is essential to true repentance.

3. Making Restitution

This final component is often overlooked—but it matters deeply. If you’ve damaged someone’s property, reputation, or emotional well-being, you must do whatever is in your power to make it right. Restitution is an act of justice and love. It demonstrates that your apology is not just in words, but in action.

Restitution means going to those you hurt and doing all you can to repair the damage. If you spread a rumor, you go to those who heard it and correct it. If you broke something, you replace or repay it. If the injury is emotional, you ask, “How can I show you that I still care about this relationship?”

This is what Zacchaeus did in Luke 19. When he repented, he told Jesus he would give half his goods to the poor and repay fourfold anyone he had cheated. He wasn’t just apologizing—he was restoring what was broken.

A Christian Must Apologize

Saying “I’m sorry” may be one of the hardest things a person can do, but it’s absolutely essential for anyone who wants to go to heaven. Confession is part of repentance, and repentance is necessary for salvation. As 1 John 1 teaches, even Christians must continually confess sin to remain in fellowship with God.

Whether your wrong was against God alone or also against others, the Bible is clear: a Christian must admit wrong, ask forgiveness, and make things right. And when someone seeks baptism, they are turning from sin and publicly declaring their sorrow for living outside God’s will. That is the essence of repentance.

Sermon Outline – How to Ask for Forgiveness (Part 1)

1. Introduction

   • Forgiveness is essential, but asking for it correctly is often misunderstood.

   • Reconciliation depends on sincere apology.

2. Expressing Regret

   • Say “I’m sorry” with sincerity, specificity, and humility.

   • Genesis 33 – Jacob and Esau as a model of humility and reconciliation.

3. Accepting Responsibility

   • Don’t shift blame. Own your wrongdoing.

   • Biblical examples: Aaron (Numbers 12), Shemei (2 Samuel 19), David (Psalm 51).

4. Making Restitution

   • Go beyond words—repair what you’ve broken.

   • Zacchaeus (Luke 19) offers a model of active, sacrificial restitution.

5. Conclusion

   • Apology requires words, ownership, and action.

   • A faithful Christian life demands honest confession and effort to make wrongs right.

Call to Action

Have you said “I’m sorry” to those you’ve wronged? Have you said it to God? A true Christian must confess sin—not hide it, not excuse it, and not ignore it. God calls you to repentance, confession, and obedience. If there’s someone you need to seek forgiveness from—do it today. If you’ve never turned your life over to Christ, you need to repent, confess, and be baptized. Don’t let pride stand in the way of peace with God and with others.

Come now, while there’s still time.